You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
