We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
