check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
