Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
