I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
