There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She even gives head with a lisp.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
