Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
