If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize