I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize