Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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