you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
