even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
