I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
