I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
