just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
