ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
he quoted the bible to break up with me
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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