I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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