He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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