What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
