So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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