I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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