so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
