ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
