The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
