quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
