ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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