bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
