I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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