if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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