I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
