my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
