with your own penis?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
