Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
