I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
