i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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