so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My hand turned me down
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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