Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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