Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
