yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
