It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
