I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
