he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
