dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
