Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
