if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
