I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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