Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
