I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
