How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
