Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize