I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize