OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
