I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
