Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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