Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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