I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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