i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
