dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
