My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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