1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
