So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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