yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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