Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
