3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
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