I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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